I Am Going to Fail Trying to Be the Best
When the Universe tries to tell me something, I eventually listen. I am a stubborn human being and will repress the negative thoughts, but if they continue coming back, I begin to understand that they are worth giving some attention. The difficult part is to stop and listen. With a hectic lifestyle, busy work schedule, and tasks piling up at home, I barely ever have the time to listen to my own thoughts.
I have exercised this so many times before and succeeded so often. Yet I still fall down the rabbit hole occasionally. And I have done it again. I let the natural instincts for pleasing others take over my life. Others including everyone and everything I care about—everyone except for myself.
I have been trying to be the best mum for Leon, nurturing him and getting up at night if he is unwell.
I have been trying to be the best wife, supporting my husband, sharing the load of housework and trying to squeeze in quality time for the two of us.
I have been trying to be the best at my job, which I really enjoy.
I have been trying to be the best daughter to my mum, who is also such a good friend to me.
I have been trying to be the best daughter to my dad, who has had serious health issues recently.
I have been trying to be a good sister and granddaughter.
I have tried being a good and reliable friend.
I have also tried looking after my wellbeing.
I have tried going to the gym.
I have tried occasionally writing.
I have tried visiting a hairdresser.
I have tried but failed on many occasions.
(I have just not really tried being a good caregiver to my cat, as she is annoying.)
With all external needs and musts, I have no energy and time left to try caring for myself. And it feels so disappointing to hear from myself, as I have gone down this road before and resolved it.
The Universe tells me to take a deep breath, step back, and take time to listen to myself again.
I have gone forward in my career, but I took a step back in my personal journey. I recognize it. I forgive myself, but I won’t listen to excuses. I need to commit to taking action.
Am I convinced yet? I’ve heard many wise words this week, and I don’t think I need to think about this anymore.
After trying to be the best at everything, I know I am going to fail. Therefore, I am changing my goal: I am going to treat my time as if it has monetary value, and I need to take full control of it before I am bankrupt. There will be little value from my time if I have nothing to offer.
So I will be busy using every spare moment on banking more time currency, increasing my own value. Watch this space!