Why We Must Love Our Passion More Than Our Ego

 

For the first thirty-one years of my life, I did not recognize my ego.
Nor my core passion.
Nor the underlying purpose of my existence.

I was confined by the walls of the world’s opinion and its expectations of me.
I was defining myself by the prestigious facade of my profession.
The prestige of my brand, which was simultaneously increasing my own value and inflating my ego in the same strike, was my illusory mantel of self-worth.
Whenever I would go in a pitiful cycle of self-deprecation, my ego would kindly remind me that I was working for the most prestigious brand in the world, thus resurrecting my sense of fake grandiosity. But of my own self, I was worth very little.

My false paradigm for self-preservation vanished when I unveiled the authentic cradle of my passion, the gospel of my soul.
Writing.
I am a word crafter with the aim of awakening the loving genius within each soul.
The power of the written and spoken word is my ultimate device to impart my passion unto the souls of this world.

When I awakened to my fervent mission as a writer, the so-called writer’s block stiffened my newfound excitement.
The idea of sitting in front of a pure, silent, white page was the death of me.
I did not make any writerly move for nearly six months.
I did not love my passion enough, then.
I was a lover of the ego. Its venerating subject. Obeying its every turn and trick.

Who was I kidding? Me, a writer? Absolutely Not.
I was too preoccupied feeding my masterful fear and starving my soul.
Although I’d retained 30 years worth of life wisdom, I had decided that my words were worthless and purposeless.
I would find every excuse in the book not to write.

One supremely courageous evening, I decided to write a letter to my 12 year-old orphan self.
If I could not write for the world, then I would write for myself.
In the safe intimacy of my mental haven.
I did not intend to bless anyone with my letter aside from my 12 year-old dismantled heart and my 33 year-old artistic self.

I decided to leap into the writerly world of prose alchemy, with my heart on the loose.
Doubts had no room to barge in my mind as it was crowded out with the voice for love; hurling a wholehearted address that could embalm my broken heart only.
Who was going to win?
My little self chained in insufferable fear or my selfless self who cared about something bigger than her fears.

Upon the chain reaction of glad and grateful readers, I reclaimed my passion.
I had learned to love my craft more than the dependence on external appraising.
External praise became inconsequential because I was doing what I loved most.
Rejection could no longer tarnish my sacred arena because the act of writing was the end in itself.
I was writing for the sake of prosing, which in turn transformed my writerly voice.
I climbed all the way to the top of my fear trail, categorically owning my authenticity, bereft of my ego’s pathetic opinion.

Whenever I sense the onset of artistic victimization arise, I recall that my commitment to my craft is far greater than my petty ego.
I will be a writer until my last breath.
My allegiance to writing will always make my heart beat and my soul reveal in joy.

When you play small, call upon your love for your passion and let it harness your ego.

 

Lyna Jones

 

 

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About the Author | Lyna Rose

Lyna Rose is an author, a happy mama, and a creativity coach who is spending one year in Provence to complete her upcoming book and to study natural self-healing. Passionate about creativity and feminism, she is launching a blog based on all things nourishing this Summer called Shalom Rose.

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2 comments to "Why We Must Love Our Passion More Than Our Ego"

  • Adele

    Dear Lyna,

    I’m sitting here at my desk in Los Angeles reading your words with the kind of absorption that silences a room. Just this morning, as I was scurrying across the parking lot trying to get a coffee before work, I was on the phone with a friend moaning about the life of a 9-5 worker when really all I want to do is write. And write. And write. When she asked why I wasn’t sharing my passion with anyone, I replied (only half-kidding), “Well, you have to win a Pulitzer before you can publish anything, obviously.” Hello Ego! Good Morning!

    And now here I am, having literally stumbled on this website through a project I’m doing for work, and the first words I read are yours. I do love my Ego. My Ego is wrapped gently around my shoulders like a socially-acceptable night-night blankie. It keeps away the dragons, and the nightmares…or at least that’s what it’s been telling me. I hear you saying maybe that’s not accurate.

    You wrote: “I am a word crafter with the aim of awakening the loving genius within each soul.”

    You awoke the loving genius of a soul this morning. I couldn’t *not* let you know. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Warmly,
    Adele

    • Adele,

      Please know that your words went straight to my heart. I am PROFOUNDLY grateful that you took the time to share how my words helped you.
      You know…my ego has played many tricks on me…from English being my second language to having never taken a writing class, ever. Well, I realized that this work was not about me but that it was about the people I would get to help so the excellence of my writing was quite irrelevant…it was not about my insecurities or my boastful ego…it was about love.
      If something exists within your heart…if something has been calling you from the deepest regions of your soul, it is irrevocably part of your path/purpose.
      You will encounter many signs and calls to realize your soul path.
      I am grateful to have been on of them.

      Limitless love,
      Lyna