To Be Liked or Speak My Truth?

February was a tough month for me. The light was shined on many of my relationships, and hint, it was not good.

And, while I was grateful for the light, I found myself, sometimes purposely, and sometimes not so purposely, sitting with what had happened, scared and anxious, and even hiding at times.

I was having a hard time determining what my truth even was, let alone sharing it. Growing up, I had been conditioned to manage others’ emotions, not cause conflict; after all, what people thought of me was super important. Simply put, I found myself struggling with being kind (and if I’m honest, liked) versus being honest—and there seemed to be no clear answer.

It was last week when I hit my breaking point. I was on the phone with a good friend, sharing my inner conflict of how this pattern had shown up AGAIN.

Did I want to take a stand for myself and how I wanted to be treated, or did I want to be liked and agreeable, and excuse inexcusable behavior?

That’s when she said to me, in a very loving way, “Deb, I think you know what to do, but you’re just scared to do it.” (Good friends always call you on your b.s.)

It was then that I had clarity. Prior to that, I wasn’t completely seeing that in not speaking my truth, I was saying OK to unacceptable behavior. In that moment, I recommitted to being the person who I want to be in this life and in the relationships I want to have, and I re-made the tough decision to share my truth in my relationships, no matter what.

You see, I realized that in not acknowledging and saying no to the relationships that were unacceptable for me, I wasn’t acknowledging the full opportunity to tell the universe exactly what I wanted more and less of.

And, my truth is, I want more relationships where I’m being treated kindly, respectfully, and where the person I’m in relationship with is also factoring in their impact on me.

So, while I still have several people to reach out to, I intend to have (and have had) some hard conversations. With these, many times, I’ve found a way to connect being kind with speaking my truth. In the times where this wasn’t the case, I’ve let go of my desire to be liked in favor of my desire to be in full truth, no matter what.

With these conversations and no’s, some new relationships and opportunities have come, and I know this is only the beginning, because, when I choose to see it and acknowledge it, the universe always has my back and wants more for me than I could ever imagine.

Here’s to sharing our truths, no matter what!

Deborah Acker

About the Author | Deborah Acker

Deborah Acker learned a long time ago that the key to true happiness meant moving away from it. She realized at an early age, through the loss of her mom at 17 and her dad leaving before the age of 2, that running away from herself, her emotions, and her pain only caused more of it, and that your only true way out is in. Today, she embraces it all to feel the light in the darkness, the joy in the sadness, and the perfection in the pain. With this, she coaches women to know true joy, peace, and trust, no matter what’s occurring—and most importantly, to celebrate and relish this crazy, juicy, up-and-down thing we call life. When she's not clearing energy blocks and childhood patterns, writing for The Huffington Post and Elephant Journal, or hosting Truth Talk Radio, you can find Deborah traveling the world and savoring its beauty, people, cultures, and adventures.

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