Hiding Out As A Housewife
Authenticity was my birthright. I was born a beautiful, tiny, beaming creature with all of the information as to exactly who I was. It was not something that could be bought, borrowed or faked. It was an entity that was determined by me alone. You too were born with your own personal authenticity.
But it can be lost, and mine was lost. Authenticity is lost as parents, teachers, media, and society at large force personality traits, expectations and even insults upon us. Was yours lost as well? How much of who you are today is truly who you were authentically meant to be? Do you even know? Can you feel it?
I did not know, but I could feel that I was meant to be doing something that I had not yet discovered. I was nearing forty when I realized that I had very little idea of who I was. I was a mother and a wife hiding out as a housewife with all of the characteristics that had been taped to my spirit and soul by others who had no right to impinge their plans or ideas onto who I would become. But there I was. Lost. I stood covered in brightly colored Post-its with adjectives, expectations and accusations scrawled across them. I was ready to peel them off one at a time. It was time to crack open the real, authentic AmyKate. It was my time.
I desperately wanted to discover my most authentic self. That became my mission. That is where it began. My odyssey for the truth of who I am began that day with that commitment fraught with determination.
I waded through the myths I had been told about myself, explored the pain that had been inflicted and discovered that the ideals that I was trying to live up to weren’t even of interest to me. I found that people lie desperately, unconsciously to uphold the lives they have carefully, delicately constructed. Meanwhile, I searched for and embraced the naked truth to have a chance to live the life I was meant to live with freedom from all delusion.
Sometimes, I am not that popular in my suburban mom existence. People are comfortable behind their veneer. No one wants to get too philosophical at my daughter’s dance class. Regardless, I had a deep suspicion that while perhaps not popular in that regard, I was far from alone. Perhaps secretly behind the veneer I am in the majority rather than a minority in my predicament. People crave their authentic selves.
I concluded that every experience I had endured, whether painful or ironic, was simply an opportunity to deepen the person who I am. I feel strongly that the societal expectation that events in our lives are something to be “gotten over” or “recovered from” is a misguided notion. Rather, these events are gifts providing information about the authentic you, waiting to be unfolded, unwrapped, looked upon carefully and owned.
I created a website based around the concept of authenticity featuring articles I wrote about my own experiences and invited others to share theirs’ as well. My writing is sometimes brutally honest, naked and even ugly if it means obtaining the truth or resulting in just one other person on the other end feeling less alone. And sometimes it is funny. However, if you don’t find it funny, don’t laugh on my account, as that would be completely inauthentic.
When I touch one person who writes to me that I have made them feel less alone in their lives, I am elated. I believe that in searching for my authenticity, I also found my true calling. Sharing myself through writing, to allow others comfort or understanding gives me great joy and a sense of purpose. In the end, while our particular life experiences may differ, our humanity and need for understanding and love is very much the same. So, I write honestly, with love. Authentically.
Although I am no longer hiding out as a housewife, I invite you to visit my website and perhaps explore who you were born to be authentically. It took me forty years to find my authenticity and truth. It is never too late to begin. It is a gift worth exploring with endless rewards, including peace, self-confidence, and an ease as you move through life that is not possible if you are “hiding out” as someone other than yourself. I’d love to hear from you and can be contacted through my site.
My Very Best,
With Great Respect and Love,
Kelly McNelis Senegor
Founder, Women For One