I lived in New York City, one of the coolest places to live. I loved the vibe, the energy, the people, the entertainment, fashion, and working in the music business industry. It was a lot of hard work, drive, sacrifice, hard knocks, sweat, blood, and tears to move, live, and be there. Anyone can relate to a season of their life like that, when it is rough or seems challenging to achieve goals.
My life was fabulous. It took me three months to get the job of my dreams at a major record company. At 21, I was living with my best friend from middle school in our own apartment. I was really thin and walked everywhere and lived the NYC life. Every night, I went to the hottest clubs, bars, and record release parties and hung out with celebrities, executives, and “cool” people. I had a lot of friends and was always doing fun stuff full of culture, art, fashion, music, and dance, and guys were never a problem. I always had cute guys interested in me and met new people every time I went out.
On the surface, I had the coolest life. I was living the dream, but not everything is always as it appears.
The truth is that I was unfulfilled, frustrated, and felt disconnected from my soul, my purpose, and spirit connection in my life, my career, my body, my mind, and my real-deal self.
I didn’t feel a sense of connection or higher purpose or service in my core about my job or career path, or in my life. I didn’t feel fulfillment or true joy. It wasn’t fun or exciting anymore to go out and be around celebrities. It was an empty feeling.
The record label was good and I was great at it, but it was not connecting my true God-given assets.
I wanted way more.
After a while, my roommate and I had grown apart and could no longer stand living together, which was tense and rough (this is an understatement). I was thin because I was hardly ever eating. I had no money, and I was sleep deprived from stress. It was not healthy at all. My commute to work was two hours long each way, so taking time to work out was out of the question.
I was so over going out to bars and meeting people that way and in that environment, and really wanted to meet one amazing guy to marry one day.
The life-changer came when I spoke this truth, when I claimed this truth, when I honored this truth. When I decided I wanted change.
No one around me understood or related. No one got it. Nobody was going through the same journey at that time, in that season, and no one took me seriously.
My soul wanted people, resources, and wisdom to align with. I craved the feeling of being empowered and assured. Nope. Crickets.
That feeling of disconnection made everything a million times more stressful, frustrating, and harder. Thank God, my mom always supported me, encouraged me, and got it, and was behind me one thousand percent. She strengthened my foundation and allowed me to begin the journey of doing what needed to be done.
At the time, there were no tools or resources or how-to books of people my age feeling this. There was no YouTube, there were no motivational speakers, and no blogs that I could find that I could relate to. Not even my friends were on the same journey, timing, or career path, or life path.
Long story short, I began the process of truly connecting to my real-deal authentic self, listening to my inner instinct and spirit, owning my worthiness, and rocking my mindset. In a deep, profound way, I made some big changes and choices in my attitude about my career, my location, and my friends. I established boundaries, and prepared for a spiritual awakening, cleansing, and healing. I was always a leader, never a follower. There were lots of days of crying, praying, starting over, being frustrated, falling down, questioning, and getting back up again. I have always had that foundation and vision and drive to push through, though, and I did it!
I paved my own path. It was hard work in every sense of the word. I planted the roots and seeds for my life today. Over the last 15 years, I have gained tools, actions, and truths that I live from, practice, and activate in all areas of my life. I have mentored, taught, spoken, and shared these tools and powerful lessons with clients, friends, family members, groups, start-ups, and more.
Your attitude and foundation and self-talk and mindset matter greatly. If you have one person (mine was my mom) who can foster that aspect, it will grow. If you have to do it yourself, focus on the mindset, the spiritual nourishment, and your attitude. Don’t focus on the five-step plan and the linear path we have paved out.
Trying to put life in a box is a waste of time, because it zigzags and throws curveballs. If your attitude is serving you and your core foundation is full, then you will be able to flow through life with integrity, purpose, and your inner compass guiding you to exactly what is meant for you.
Today I’m doing work that I’m passionate about, and I’m happily married to my best friend/husband. I also have the love of my soul, my daughter. All the struggles, changes, hardships, and frustrations were not wasted. All of it is used for our destiny and purpose.