My Grandmother is an amazing woman. She is smart, creative, strong, and beautiful. Right now she is being forced to face harsh realities. Realities that she has been avoiding for years, all the while hoping to mold her own existence into something she has more control over. Dreaming of a place where she feels she has accomplished something. Endeavors she could be proud of, and her family would be proud of her too.
Life has not been easy for my Grammy. She has faced many challenges, more than any person should. I cannot say that she has overcome them all, but she has always tried her hardest to walk away stronger and with a positive message.
Watching her go through her current struggles, talking to her about how she feels, and wanting to make everything right for her, has left me feeling more conflicted then I have been in recent memory. Logic and compassion are fighting a vicious battle, leaving me exhausted. However, I feel I would be doing my Grandmother a huge disservice if I let my own emotions get the better of me, letting the pain and frustration take over. Now is the time to remind her that she is not alone.
Finding rewards in this mess will be my new goal. Remembering that whether or not Grammy can see it, her problems have just brought two very strained branches of her family tree closer than they have been in my whole life. She is forcing me to look at myself differently, and change my perspective. Helping lead me to a place where I can find some of my own inner peace. Finding a deeper understanding of who I am and where I come from; taking my family’s history and not just remembering the good, but using the bad to create lessons for a better future. Still, I believe the biggest reward is my realization of family. My immediate family (parents & brother) are some of the most wonderful people around and have always been there to support me. I have been very thankful that I “ended up” with them for years now.
Looking back, both my mom and dad used “lessons”, taught to them by my Grandmother, about the importance of family. So ultimately the solid foundation I grew up with is all thanks to her. How can that not be a wonderful gift? Something for her to be proud of, an accomplishment she holds the bragging rights to. Now it’s my turn to give back to her. To remind her that even the strongest people need to lean on their loved ones, their support system. Nobody should be forced to face life alone. Remember to look out for your loved ones, especially the ones who seem to be “perfectly put together”. Life is about love in all its forms, and if you lose sight of what brings love into your life, I really believe you lose sight of yourself.
Thank you for your wisdom and words, Meghan.
The quote that best fits this story for me:
“Blessed be the ties that bind generations.” – Author Unknown