I felt detached from my own self and a constant ache in my heart as if my soul was slowly quieting. I had become a very good chameleon in attempts to try and please other people and receive their approval. I held my opinions in, kept quiet about my passions, doubted my inner wisdom and embarked on a career path that was aligned with other people’s dreams but not my own.
My quest for approval, my delicate dance to not rock the boat, and the abandonment of my needs helped me maintain a long relationship with someone that was verbally abusive. A point finally came where my heart could not take any more. Sitting in the kitchen one morning feeling deflated, trapped in “shoulds” and “never good enoughs,” and scared because for several months, I had been thinking that it may be best if I didn’t wake in the morning, a very small sense of hope peeked its way into my heart. It was a little spark that said maybe, just maybe, he was wrong. Maybe I do matter. Thankfully, that day I decided to choose me.
Early on, that spark met with many challenges as I removed myself from the unhealthy relationship but into a few more less extreme but dysfunctional ones nonetheless. My pattern of modifying myself for the needs of others was well ingrained and spilled over into all areas of my life.
However, that spark was already in rhythm and growing into a flame. Its mantra that I mattered became the fuel for the flourishing of my inner strength, which enabled me to make pivotal shifts in my life. For example, I began eating a vegan diet in a meat centered community. I also made it known that Christianity wasn’t in line with my beliefs although it was for my family members, and I ended my partnership in a consulting firm that was no longer a fit for me even though I had been chosen to be the successor to the original owners.
And today, the light within is a solid knowing of my soul- my foundation- empowering me to create and build a business that is truly aligned with me, to establish my boundaries, and to authentically communicate and to connect with people at our souls’ level.
Before I was hiding the depth of me, wearing a mask as a form of protection out of fear of my own shine and my fear of rejection. My journey of transforming from living diminished to living empowered as me is a gift. It has now enabled me to work with people that are done being chronic people pleasers to live empowered as their true selves. And that, is an amazing honor.