Seven years ago, I reacted with the force of a nuclear explosion to anything that my mom said, did, touched or looked upon. Anything and everything triggered me: a hug, a letter, a phone call, even a birthday present for my kids. I hated my mom with every fiber of my being! My only solution was to physically remove her from my life.
I joke nowadays and say that, “I divorced my mother” in 2008.Every coping mechanism I had applied and tried had been about as effective as giving a Dora the Explorer band aid to someone having a heart attack. But it wasn’t until one full year after I told my mom to get out of my life that I realized what was creating the dissonance and my hatred. Imagine my surprise and shock when I realized that it was ME!
And to translate that, the cause for all that you are experiencing is YOU.
With loving guidance I was able to shine light on the thought patterns that created the internal buttons that made me “hate” my mom. As is turns out, my mom was (and still is) an excellent button pusher. That is, if you have buttons to push.
I used to think that it was all about forgiving other people when they “did” things to me that were unkind. I tried forgiving my mom for talking with my friends behind my back about my “perceived” lack of love for my kids. I attempted to forgive her when she rallied my husband against me. But the feelings of hatred persisted.
And so I entered my sacred heart space (which was extremely difficult at first) and there I started forgiving MYSELF for my mental patterns and beliefs. When I said, “I am sorry that I have so much hatred in my heart every time I think of my mom visiting my friends and talking behind my back,” I felt power and love flowing to me. I felt absolved for the first time!
The more I forgave myself for my reactions and thoughts, my buttons dissolved and everyone involved was freed of their role in the drama of my life. Magical!
Heart-centered self-forgiveness clears the energetic ties that define dysfunctional relationships. When you truly forgive yourself, you forget.
When I think of the events that led up to the horrible rift I went through with my mom, I have a difficult time remembering the details. When we are afraid to forget, it is because there is still an element of fear that the experience will come back. The lingering element of fear indicates that there is still a button. A button that may be frozen…but not dissolved. It is a button that can still be pressed.
There is no forgiveness without forgetting! And no forgetting without forgiveness.
Sometimes I laugh aloud when I hear myself talking about the experiences I went through with my mom because it all seems silly and unreal now. By forgiving yourself, you are taking the single most powerful step to releasing the energetic bonds that create the experiences in your life and which cause them to linger.
Forgive and Forget.