I have been continously asked why and how I am so positive and have this much energy and passion.
So here is a bit of the “Why”.
My training told me I have a very busy monkey mind full of old outdated unconscious beliefs running around in there taking me out at a very chance it got. Until we are truly willing to let go and surrender and change, nothing will change in our lives. We just keep repeating the same patterns over and over until we get so tired of living a certain way or something huge happens in our live’s to wake us up.
What I am going to share with you is not pretty…Yes I am baring it all, laying all the cards on the table.
Everything has beauty, even within the darkness. I grew up with severe sexual, verbal and physical abuse to the extent that at one point I was on social security disability and had severe post-traumatic stress disorder. I went through years of treatment and was on many western medicines. I was even hospitalized over four times, twice for suicide attempts. I had repeated weight problems from anorexia, weighing in at 95 lbs, which with my frame (which is big boned) is very small and to the other extreme of bulimia and overweight at a breaking point of 200 lbs. I went thru this cycle three times.
Starting at the age of 16, I entered into several seriously dysfunctional relationships. This led me to three marriages as I continued the abuse cycle from my childhood. I knew no different. The crescendo was my 4th marriage which was beyond abusive to the point where I almost died and my husband committing suicide.
Wow, now that is a mouthful. Additionally, I was riddled with medical problems since I was born and I stopped counting after I hit surgery #17 for medical reasons. In total now 26 surgeries as of 11/2012 in a lifetime (I almost died, numerous times). One of my lessons in massively studying western and eastern medicine/philosophies is that each discipline both has a purpose and a place. I am grateful for them both and…
I realized years later as I went thru many layers of self-discovery regarding the Mind, Body, and Spirit connection lesson that I created the disease in my body. This act was a way to cope with all of the fear, anger, and sadness that my inner child felt. This was the first time that I finally understood my unwillingness to truly forgive myself and others for everything that I experienced. I had always been the healer, healing others and picking partners that needed to be saved. I had never truly saved or healed myself though, until that one fated day, when I finally chose me. I decided to choose life.
My late husband was my biggest gift. I am grateful to him for giving me that gift of choice and to wake my ass up. This choice to wake up was not easy. I lost many friends and family members. I had to stand up to the past and to family members. I had to stand firm and choose ME and also take full responsibility for my part in the co-creation of my life. I had to be willing to expose all the skeletons of the past – even my own demons and mistakes. I had to be willing to choose to face up to me and to show up and not care what others thought of me in sharing all of this information. Hiding was no longer an option for me.
Now I am not saying that I am perfect and completely healed. I am still and will always be evolving, choosing, making mistakes along the way. Thank God. Who would want to be perfect? The final choice point was my journey from 200 lbs to 125 lbs.
So how did I do it?
Well, first I had to make some huge, life changing decisions. I had to let go of the people, places, and things that I was surrounded by that were negative and kept me bound to the things and experiences that supported my old outdated beliefs about who I was and what I could or could not have. I am constantly learning, playing, and growing each and every day. I choose to be around positive, healthy, abundant people, places and things.
I listen, I read, I take courses on things that expand my Mind, Body, and Spirit. I nourish myself with positive, inspiring, and spiritual people, I have kept my weight off, yes I am human; and I have gone +5-10 or -minus 5-10, depending on Surgery recoveries etc… And I have always brought myself back to sanity and health and a healthy weight.
I have good healthy co-creational friendships. The Universe is my family. I surround myself with amazing and inspiring teachers and awesome souls all of the time.
I choose to live my life with as much spunk, vigor, happiness and abundance as I can. Why abundance? So that I may give a hand up and educate thousands of people to inspire them to get out of the maze of negativity, disease and lack mentality in all areas of their lives.
Leap, dive, dare, and risk to be the best YOU ever. What were you born to be? YOU!
Carly Alyssa Thorne